Freedom Through Passive Income

Ep 327 - How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money & Find Common Ground - Part 3: The Challenges

November 23, 2022 Flip & Dani Robison Season 1 Episode 327
Freedom Through Passive Income
Ep 327 - How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money & Find Common Ground - Part 3: The Challenges
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

This is part 3 of our mini series. Today, we're going to talk about the challenges now that you've done step one, and two. You want to ask yourself and discuss with your spouse what challenges or roadblocks are going to potentially come up that's going to limit or block your ability to complete what you've written down and planned so far.

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In part three of our series, we are going to spend some time sharing the challenges of  How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money & Find Common Ground. Some challenges you might face when discussing your financial goals can be an unexpected reduction of income, increased expenses and disagreements about goals and priorities. Another trial you may face is when one person is not adhering to the agreed plan. When unexpected changes in life occur, it is important not to let financial issues fester. Ignoring a problem does not lend itself to a solution and inaction often exacerbates it. Also, pretending a problem does not exist can lead to feelings of worry, guilt, shame  and anxiousness that can affect your relationship. When the unanticipated occurs, stay calm, make the time to discuss it calmly and rationally.  Often, a solution to a problem comes from having an open conversation and meeting in the middle.

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Hey everybody! Flip and Dani here, founders of the Freedom Real Estate Group Family of Companies, and welcome to another episode of our podcast, which is called Freedom Through Passive Income. That's right, and welcome to another episode. And this is How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money & Find Common Ground - Part 33. No. Part 3! The Challenges. All Right. 

So hopefully you watched part one and two, if you did not, go back and watch part one and two, because this is a four part exercise that we're going through in four episodes. Four parts, yes. So you need to do the whole thing, you can't just do one step. And in order too. Yes, yeah, it is important, because each one builds off the other. Yup. 

So today, we're gonna talk about the challenges. So now that you've done step one, and two, you want to ask yourself and discuss with your spouse, what challenges or roadblocks are going to potentially come up that's going to limit or block our ability to actually complete what we've written down and plan so far. So these are things like loss of income streams, right? So if we put a schedule of what we want to do and how we want to achieve it, if somebody loses their job, or an income stream just goes away, for some reason, things like that, that's going to be a roadblock or a challenge that you're going to have to overcome, right? So these are the types of things that you want to throw on there. 

So another challenge might be unexpected expenses. What if we have a doctor's bill that we didn't budget for, right? Or maybe the kids need soccer gear, right? Oh jeez. That's expensive. Lacrosse, oh my, all kids need to play Lacrosse. So that's it. So depending on your life, and what goes on in your world, then you need to figure out and just build this challenge list of what are the things that could come up that is going to throw a wrench into our plans. 

For us, I put busy schedules. Oh, yeah. Right? Because it's hard sometimes. This morning, literally, you said, Dani, I need you for like, 10 minutes. Yes. So we can go through and find a date for two things. And he was like, when can I, you know, get on your schedule? And ultimately we said, Oh, this is going to be pretty easy. Let's just knock it out right now. Right? So if you're like us, and especially if you guys work separately, right? We're lucky, we work in the same house, in the same business. And so getting together is much easier than it might be for you. So busy schedules might be a challenge that you have to overcome. 

Another challenge I put is disagreements on goals and priorities. The end of yesterday's episode where there was a major disagreement. Right at the very end, right? Major disagreement. And so we had to shut off the episode because I didn't want to talk about it anymore. So if you didn't watch it yesterday, make sure to do that. Oh my gosh. 

Another challenge might be someone or both people not owning their commitment to adhere to the agreed upon plan. Again, in yesterday's episode, somebody's not adhering to the plan. So the idea here is that you want to write down every possible roadblock, obstacle, challenge, anything that is going to be, that is going to cause you to screw up the plan, or cause you to have to get together and talk about what to do next. And so every single idea that you can possibly think of based on the life that you're living right now, think of it right here, and the ideas, some of them are gonna be uncontrollable, right? A loss of income stream, you probably can't predict, some of them, you might be able to, you know that, hey, this particular investment is probably going to cash out around this time. Now you've got okay, I know we're going to get this capital back. And we're going to need to understand where it goes. Or some of it you might be, but some of it, it's just going to be unexpected, so you're gonna have a or something out of your control, you're gonna have a list of things where you can brainstorm and figure out an answer to them. And then you're going to have some things that you're going to brainstorm, what would we do if this happened? And kind of start the process when you're in a very calm state of mind. Because if somebody lost their job, that's not a calm state of mind. Right? And so it's a lot harder to dive into ideas and thoughts when you're frantic, or worried and stressed and having anxiety and it's especially hard to talk about it with your spouse because, you know, there could be, you know, shame, or whatever feelings are going on that you don't, it's sucks to just start talking about it. Yeah. So talking about it early, when you haven't lost your job is something that you're gonna allow your brain to do some work in a calm state of mind. And quite frankly, you might end up going, these are pretty good ideas. I think I want to quit next week. Hahaha! 

So this is the exercise. This is part 3 of just figuring out what challenges are there. And then so Flip, one of my challenges was disagreements on goals and priorities. So what do you think is an idea of how we overcome that challenge?

Well, typically, for you and I, for goals and priorities is, for goals, we really, you and I, we sort of not meet in the middle, but we really hash it out, you know, and figure out, okay, you know, if your goal is way up here, and my goal is way down here, well, why is my goal way down here? Why do I think that? And why is your goal, you know, and really, really get into the weeds. Yes. You know, to figure it out. And same with the priorities, you know, my priority is the new car, you know, saving for a new car. There it goes again. What? Stop it. Accept! I didn't mean it. You know, and so, typically, our priorities are the same priorities, I'm teasing, obviously, but you know, it's figuring out why are your priorities this? Why, you know, some it's getting, it's digging into, you know, find what you're not agreeing upon. Yeah. And then just dig into it. You know, have the, it's not really a hard conversation, it shouldn't be hard to have a conversation. Yeah. But definitely getting into it. Yeah, that's one.

What about our busy schedules? I think the example that we used of you saying, I want to get on your calendar. Oh, I think that was a good idea. Right? Yeah. Because you weren't demanding my time right then even though it was a fast exercise, you could have walked in and said, can we do this right now? Yup. And I could have been frustrated by that, by like, I'm in the middle of this, you know, and I and this is important, and I want to check it off my list, because I'm a list person. Instead, you said, When can I get on your calendar, and we mutually agreed, hey, this is gonna be fast. We can do it right now. I've also learned that I need to start asking you like two to three days in advance. I'm gonna need to get on your calendar sometime soon. That's the first day then the next day. I need to get on your calendar tomorrow. And then in the morning, I say, I need to get on your calendar at some point. Yeah, today. Yeah. Just a reminder, I've told you three days now. It's only taken me 20 years to figure that out.

But it's really good, because then it's a block time, right? It is an appointment that you guys can't forget and literally put it on your calendars. I'm meeting with my husband at this time, and we are doing this otherwise life gets in the way. Oh, yeah. It just happens. And you have to treat it like a business. Yeah. Even if you don't work together. Yeah. You have to still treat this like a business. Because if you don't, then it's just me like, oh, well, you know, he missed the appointment. Yeah, you know, or he, you know, or she, she had to do something else and so we're not going to meet. No, and it needs to be acted like a business and set an appointment and actually meet about it at that, you know, that said time because otherwise it won't happen.

Yeah, absolutely. And then I'll do one more example. Because I think this one is important, where someone or both people are not owning the commitment to adhere to the agreed upon plan. So I think this is really important to have the guts to approach this challenge, and define what you're going to do ahead of time, right? So that when it happens, if Flip went out and bought a car, and we didn't have the car in the game plan, then I need to talk to him about it, right? Because I need to say, Hey, this is what we both talked about. And maybe you're not letting me have a personal win, because you just spent all the money that we have, now we can't do priorities one, two, and three. And now this isn't fun anymore. And it's not a game. And the purpose of doing this together was so we could have fun. Right. So we could achieve these goals. And we make the decisions together. It's something we both participate in. And it's not fair that you went out and did something that was, you know, against it. So how do we fix it? You know, what do we do now? 

And so I think the answer is, is that we sit down and have a conversation about it, right? And I say Flip, you aren't supposed to do that. And I say, I'm sorry. And we re-strategize the game plan, right? Because now we need to shift our priorities and probably let Flip not have any more wins for a little bit so that we can catch up. And I think that might be a solution that he hates. And he might think of a better solution that we both can get on board with. Right? But the idea is you just sit down and talk about it right? Because nothing is going to stop you concretely from reaching your goals. If you continue to have open conversations. I really liked the example of I buy a car. Yeah, we're just using it because you keep throwing it in there. Whatever you need to tell yourself, that's all I know. That's all I know. But then that wraps this one up? Yes.

Okay, so make sure you head on over to our website to join the investor club. We have a lot of things that we're doing to wrap up 2022. So make sure you get into the investor club, talk to CJ and or Ben to get into that club because that's very important. 

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But we like to end all of our episodes with Invest Smart, Live Happy. Bye everybody!

Nothing on this show should be considered specific, personal or professional advice. Please consult an appropriate tax, legal, real estate, financial or business professional for individualized advice. Opinions and information on this show are not guaranteed, all investment strategies have the potential for profit or loss.

Transcribed by

Welcome to our Podcast!
On today’s episode, How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money & Find Common Ground - Part 3: The Challenges
Loss of income streams
Unexpected expenses
For us it’s busy schedules
Disagreements on goals and priorities
Write down every possible roadblock
Find what you’re not agreeing upon
You have to treat it like a business
People not owning their commitment to adhere to the agreed upon plan
Just sit down and have a conversation about it
Join our Freedom Investor Club
Make sure to check us out on all social media platforms!
A motto we live by... Invest Smart. Live Happy.