Ep 324 - How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money & Find Common Ground - Part 1: The Why

This is something that we asked in our Freedom Through Passive Income Facebook group at one point in time, are you and your spouse on the same page about money? And it was surprising how many people said no. This will be a four part series because it's four sections of conversation that you want to be prepared to have with your partner.

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This is the first of a four-part series and we are beginning with talking to your spouse about why money is important to you. We cannot make assumptions that in a relationship, we are automatically on the same page when it comes to finances. Is our money important to have to spend on vacations, home projects, helping our families or creating generational wealth? These questions are important for couples to not only understand but to agree upon. Other conversations that are important to have are those relating to creating passive future income, how we want to save, how we can reduce our tax burden and what type of reserve we should set aside in case of a crisis.  It is also important to discuss contingencies such as how can we care for our parents, who raised us and what do we do if we empty our savings?  We must work to understand the needs of our partner and communicate to ensure that the financial facet of our relationships are solid.  

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Transcript

Hey everybody! Flip and Dani here, founders of the Freedom Real Estate Group Family of Companies and welcome to another episode of our podcast, which is called Freedom Through Passive Income. That's right, welcome! Where did that come from? I have no idea. Anyway, welcome to another episode and this episode is "How To Talk To Your Spouse About Money & Find Common Ground - Part 1:  The Why". That's right. Yes, this is uh, we got a four part series, mini series Docu drama. But anyway, this is part one called "The Why". Yeah. I'll let you take it over. Okay. So we're gonna go through this is actually something in the. I'm the spouse, right? Yeah. Okay, I'm playing the spouse in this four part series.

This is something I asked in our Freedom Through Passive Income Facebook group at one point in time, are you and your spouse on the same page about money? And it was surprising how many people said no, and I thought. I'm not even on the same Facebook page. So I always had the, you know, idea of creating this series, and it just came down to like, we're towards the end of the year, and I hadn't done it yet. So I took some time to really write this out. And so that we can do it. And as I wrote it out, I was like, Okay, this is actually a four part, you know, thing that we can talk about, because it's four sections of conversation that you want to be prepared to have. Or just have it live. So we're gonna have it live. I haven't gone through this with Flip. This is unrehearsed. Yes. Unrehearsed. Like the other 316 episodes that we've done.

So um, so the first thing that you want to talk about is, why is it important to you, right? That's what you want to, so why is talking about money important to you? So I wrote down a bunch of things, even I pretended like I have kids. And so there's things in here that I actually wouldn't say to Flip because we don't have kids. Key word, pretended. But I wrote them down here as examples of what you could, you know, talk about with your spouse. So I'm gonna have him kind of go back and forth with me about things that he might actually think of top of mine, that you would say, and if they're already on my list, I'll mentally cross them out. So I don't see him again. Got it. 

So why is talking about money? Okay, well, first of all, this example is a husband and wife, and it doesn't have to be husband, wife, but husband and wife talking about money. The breakdown of this conversation and why we're doing it this way is because we're not on the same page about money. And the assumption typically being made in a marriage is that we do talk about money. And we have similar beliefs on how we save, spend and invest. You know, you, I automatically thought that, hey, what I want to do probably makes sense to Flip and he's probably on the same page. No, we do everything the exact opposite. Yeah. So don't make the assumption, you actually have to sit down and have the conversation. So that's why we're doing this exercise. So now we've got it, we have to say, why is it important that we're talking about money, right, now that we understand what this example is all about. So I said top of mine, we can plan more vacations? I want to talk about money, because I'd like to go on more vacations. Right? So what's one for you? Why would you like to talk about money?

Well, the biggest thing is we've always talked about, you know, being able to help our family. Yes. Oh, that's a good one. I love that. I actually wrote down, we can take care of aging parents. Yup. So that's perfect. So that one's off our list now. I put down, we can save for discretionary spending when we want something, like you are getting ready to buy or you have bought something for the garage, right? All those like cool storage cabinets or whatever. I'm manning it up. Yes. So that would be a discretionary spend. Right? If we have an account, we feel good about it. We're like we have it. We're not spending something that we didn't plan for. We said this is the account that we do that way. 

So what's another one for you? Well you just took mine. Hahaha! Discretionary fun for garage project. No, for any project? Yeah, it's, I mean, just to be able to have that cushion, you know, just so that we're not worried about it. And not, you know, living check to check and although we don't get checks anymore, but if we did, you know what I mean. Yeah. So I think that falls into what my third one on this list was: we can sleep in peace, knowing our finances are in order. Yes, yes. Sleep is good. Yeah, sleep is very, very good. I also have, we can teach our kids how to do this by doing it ourselves so that we can set them up for success. Because I think 90% of the world says, Hey, I didn't have enough education about finances when I was growing up. And that's why I'm poor, or that's why I'm broke or that's why I'm living paycheck to paycheck because I was never taught what to do. So as a parent, I would feel very powerful about if we do this, our kids are going to get to learn, they can even participate. Yup, and that means they're better humans, right? Better people, more responsible. So I love that one.

And the next one ties into it. Because we can change our family's future by starting now to create generational wealth, because a lot of generational wealth is actually the education behind it. Right? It's passing on the knowledge from parent to kid of what to do, how to do it, and knowing how to handle your finances is a big piece of that generational wealth transfer. Right? Am I making it up? Or is there a game called cashflow? But isn't there like a game for kids? Yeah. Cashflow for kids. Yeah. It's a rich dad, poor dad, Robert Kiyosaki like thing. Yeah, yup. Google that if you have kids. Yeah. Apparently, it's a really, really great game. We don't have kids. So we never. We don't have that game. I actually think I bought it for Stephanie's family. My sister's family. You did, yup. Okay. Um, isn't that the one? That's where I remembered it. I see. Is there another one on top of your mind? No. Okay. 

So another one of mine was we can create passive income streams so that we only work if we want to not because we have to. Oh, that's my middle name. Hahaha! Okay, another one of mine is we can pay off all of our bad debt. We'd like to keep our good debt. Yup. Because I'm not, I'm fine with debt. As long as it's good debt and bad debt. Right. Another one, we can have a six to 12 month reserve fund if we ever need it. And we're going to talk about that six to 12 month. Why I said six to 12 month on I think it's tomorrow's, or the next part 2, whenever it plays. But somewhere in here, we're going to talk about that. Another one. We already said this one that taking care of aging parents, we can create a trust fund for our kids with instructions on how it can be used for the future. Because now you're talking about money with the intent of let's talk about everything, that's a why. Everything like, just think, why? Why is money important to me? Why it's being smart about money important? And so as I started thinking about and writing all this down, I'm just like, oh, we could do this, oh, we could do this. And that's a goal of this exercise, right? Kind of get excited and have fun with your spouse, thinking of all the things that you could do with money if you're on the same page. Right? Right. 

And so another one is something that we're actually doing right now, we can get knowledgeable about tax strategies that save us money, asset protection, that keeps our money safe and pass this knowledge down to our children. That's right. Because this is something again, we're in our 50s. And now really, you know, making very good money and therefore needing all of this information so that we can reduce our tax burden and protect ourselves from anything unknown might happen. Estate planning, all of those things happen as you get more money. And these are important, again, to pass generational wealth knowledge to the kids so that they know how to do these types of things. And don't have to, you know, start from scratch learning for themselves. Okay, so the second half of this exercise now, though, is there anything else that you can think of as an example? Okay, no. Okay. 

So the second half of this, the why of this exercise is you now have talked about the negative impact if you don't do this. Oh, yeah, there we go. Right? So the very first one, we continue to struggle. Yeah. Like you said, we're living paycheck to paycheck. Yup. And that sucks. Yup. Right? Do you have one? We're not sleeping. Yes. Yes, exactly. We're not having a good night's sleep. Yeah. I put we don't sleep well, because we're worried. We continue to be stressed. Oh yeah. We always talk about the creep. Right? Oh, yeah. And it's not a creep, like a guy. You know, it's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle creeping. Yeah, you know, adjective, not a noun. Because suddenly, you've got this budget, but then you want something else. Yeah. And your budget continues to increase, which is what we're calling creep. Creeping, yeah. It creeps up on you. And so you used to have a budget that was like, you know, we spend $4,000 a month on, you know, life. And then suddenly it becomes $6,000 a month because we added a couple things, and it just kind of creeped up a little bit and we went, Oops! So that's a negative consequence of you not, you know, paying attention and talking to money and having this, you know, common ground agreement with your spouse.

I have another one. Maybe we have to move back into our parents house if something terrible happens, right? Because we ran out of money or something, just lost a job or something. And we didn't have the safety nets in place for us to be able to get through it. We won't be able to take care of our aging parents. Right? And I think that's something that pulls on everybody's heartstrings, right? Yeah, we all, our parents took care of us all the way till 18 and beyond for many people. It's our turn, right? And we want to be able to do that and give that gift to parents. So that's a negative consequence if we don't talk about money. And my last one is about that Social Security stat that we talked about all time, right? Yeah. We're all living longer. Yup. And we might run out of money. Yeah. And then what happens? We're at Walmart and we're a greeter, right? Right. You know, something like that. And that's a negative consequence. 

And so you want to write those down because it hurts, right? When you say them out loud, like it brings you pain. And like, you just want to shiver and you're like, eek. Now I understand. Not only did I have fun with the why, I can talk about all the cool things that we want to do and how excited I would be about our future if we did them. I got to feel the pain of if we did not do it. So this is your first to-do with your spouse, is sit down and go through the same thing that Flip and I just did. And we're doing this together as an example, so that you can better understand the process. Again, because I'm just surprising him as we go. Ha! Like I said, I'm playing the role of the spouse. That's right. I love it. I love it. 

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But we like to end all of our episodes with Invest Smart, Live Happy. Bye everybody!

Nothing on this show should be considered specific, personal or professional advice. Please consult an appropriate tax, legal, real estate, financial or business professional for individualized advice. Opinions and information on this show are not guaranteed, all investment strategies have the potential for profit or loss.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai